A Life of Disconnection: doing or being?

Published On: March 18, 2026By Tags: , , , , , , ,

What if I were to tell you that modern life, instead of promoting wellness, happiness, and longer, healthier lives, is making us all more unwell?

Humanity evolved as hunter-gatherers, communally-minded souls who lived in community with each other, using their hands and bodies to source, and make food and shelter in daily and seasonal patterns with immediate reward (consider harvesting plants from your garden to cook and eat). These small communities were rich in community traditions, and rituals, including spiritual paths, that sustained them through good times and tough.

Human biology evolved in tandem with this: our brains need social input to fully develop. Social isolation makes you more stupid.

Photo by Khoa Võ

Without human connection, brains decline in grey and white matter in the prefrontal cortex [1]and hippocampus, the parts of the brains responsible for executive functioning including planning, decision-making, working memory, attention, focus, and behavioural regulation, making us more vulnerable to stress. When the hippocampus declines[2], our ability to form new long-term memories for facts, data, names and experiences, as well as our spatial navigation, is correspondingly diminished.

Chronic isolation is linked to faster cognitive decline, and a 60% higher risk of developing dementia[3], and our neurochemicals respond accordingly, resulting in lower levels of oxytocin (the love/well-being hormone), and prolonged cortisol production for sustained stress and inflammation. The amygdala also becomes hyperactive with lack of social connection, making us feel more anxious, hypervigilant and less resilient to stress[4].

Humans are designed for social connection. Without it, we become more stupid, stressed, anxious and unwell.

Long-term stress[5] and inflammation[6] make us susceptible to longer term severe health issues such as high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, diabetes, cancer, dementia, weakening the immune system, disrupting sleep and digestion, with greater risks of mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety.

Photo by plue toe

Makes you stop and think, doesn't it?

Consider this, we prize hustle culture, constantly available and "on". Our digital overstimulation means that our nervous systems are constantly wired to be in flight/fight mode, and we restrict our rest to scheduled holidays 2-5 weeks a year (depending on where you generally live in the world!). Modern life asks us to be constantly in delivery mode, being productive and at speed. We are being asked to be in doing mode…

Doing mode activates the task positive network (TPN)[7], the parts of the brains that are activated by intense externally focused goal-orientation, problem-solving and sensory processing it. There's nothing wrong with that, but as all athletes and high performers know, we can't constantly be in high performance mode without invoking the rest and digest mode, and relaxing. The cost of constantly invoking the TPN is burnout, mental fatigue and stress[8].

Feel familiar to anyone?

And let's not even start with how physically inactive online doing mode makes us! Sitting for more than 8 hours a day is associated with a risk of death in line with smoking or obesity[9]! It also slows down our metabolism, making us more fat[10]. We are encouraged to move more frequently throughout the day, but this can be hard when we are glued to our screens!

We need to offset doing with being. The corresponding default mode network[11] is called that, because this is the natural resting state of the brain. Let me just bring that to your attention one more time: doing mode, invoking the TPN, is not the natural brain state. The natural resting state of the brain is the Default Mode Network (DMN), responsible for self-reflection, social cognition, memory retrieval and emotional processing. When the DMN or being mode, is suppressed, we are more likely to ruminate, have negative self-talk and feel depressed[12].

Photo by luizclas

How do we invoke being mode, and bring the DMN online?

It usually happens when the brain is at rest and not focused either on external tasks or active thinking[13].

Here are 5 more being modes:

  • Reflection – take time to journal, practice gratitude or take an energy audit of the day
  • Daydream – spend time in reverie or active daydreaming. If this feels too abstract, go for a walk in nature without your devices, and allow your senses to tune into your environs
  • Play – engage your creative imagination with hands on crafts such as drawing, painting, playing an instrument or singing if it brings you joy, and even knitting, whittling or crochet. Personally, I draw with my non-dominant hand which helps me tap into my unconscious more deeply, bypassing my inner critic, and improves neuroplasticity!
  • Fun – plan something fun with your friends, the ones who dare you to laugh as hard as you can, just because! (If it's worthy, it doesn't count as fun!)
  • Meditate – present moment awareness typically deactivates or attenuates the DMN and encourages us to remain in the state of being[14]. Personally, this is my go-to method to shift into being mode (but then I'm probably biased!).

If you would like help discovering your own state of being, and tune into listening deeply to the call of your own spirit or soul, to better navigate this turbulent world, join our 49 day programme of weekly alchemical practices from Tantric yoga, meditation practices, rituals and coaching. Be supported in finding your own inner power and personal state of being!

References

Main – Photo by Bayram Yalçın

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About the Author: Winnie Man

After a successful and varied 25 year career in finance and consulting, Winnie is now a meditation coach alongside completing her training as an integrative transpersonal psychotherapist, working with mind, body, heart and spirit. For Winnie, the gift of meditation is the moment when you access the quiet space within, and everything pauses. And we find the facility to take that pause into our daily lives. That moment can make all the difference. She believes that we all have the potential to find that quiet space inside, and she would be honoured to help you find that place for you. Contact Details Email: winnie.quiet.space@gmail.com Instagram

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