Why We Resist Rest & Play

When is the last time you just took a day off? A day off that was not for a planned event, or to get some job done or because of ill health, but simply because you wanted a break and have some fun!

Why does adulting become all work and less play… and in some cases no play at all.

As much as I help people find balance in life, sometimes I am guilty of forgetting this basic vital part of finding joy and connection to myself.

Recently I have been working nonstop, planning, creating, doing and it’s just been one day leading into another to the point where I knew I was mentally exhausted. But thankfully I am more aware now, so I took a conscious decision to stop and just take a day off and do some fun things outdoors, away from the laptop. And that was a gift I gave myself to refresh my mind and body.

Why Is It Difficult To Take A Break?

Everyone loves a break, yet why do we operate contrary to it? Why do we run ourselves to a state of exhaustion before we rest? Why do we not incorporate more fun and play in our day to day?

Over time many of us have programmed ourselves to not be comfortable with rest. Here are a few key reasons why people can’t take breaks:

1. Cultural Conditioning – Idolising productivity and hustle in many cultures has given rest the status of luxury and not a necessity
2. Association of Productivity with Self-worth – Constant business has become a form of self-validation and being productive is seen as being worthy
3. Fear & Guilt Arising from Rest – Association of rest with being lazy or being not useful creates a fear of judgement by others and leads to guilt for not doing enough
4. Fear of Falling Behind – The competitive world we live in creates a constant push to keep doing, else there is fear that someone else will get ahead and there will be missed opportunities
5. Lack of Role Models – Children who have seen parents constantly working and pushing themselves, often learn the same operating pattern. Success stories highlight hardwork and sacrifice, not balance. Motivational concepts like ‘push through’, ‘what doesn’t break us makes us stronger’ are powerful but can be contrary to ones wellbeing
6. ‘Technology and ‘Always On’ culture – Our digital world has completely blurred boundaries and an ‘Available 24/7’ culture doesn’t allow downtime or a real break
7. Disconnection from our Body – Constantly living in the mind has reduced the ability to recognise the signs the body gives when needing rest
8. Perceived Lack of Time – As responsibilities pile up, rest becomes last priority. The belief ‘there is no time’ defines daily routines that are busy with no possibility of rest and play
9. Fear of Stillness – Keeping oneself busy has become a way to hide from emotions that may surface in stillness
10. No one Talks about Rest & Play as being a Necessity – even though it fuels our mind, body and spirit and helps us in being more productive

Play & Rest Are A Necessity

Research backs the fact that Play and Rest are a necessity. We avoid rest so we can be more productive but what one fails to appreciate is that rest and play at the right time helps to increase productivity. It boosts overall wellbeing.

Studies have shown various benefits this has for children and adults:

1. Stimulates the mind & sparks creativity
2. Boosts energy, stamina & vitality
3. Reduces stress & enhances mood
4. Improves emotional resilience
5. Improves sleep and physical health
6. Helps prevents burnout and overwhelm
7. Improves relationships & connection to self

What is Play & Rest

Play is when we do something which doesn’t necessarily have an end goal or purpose, we do it because we enjoy it and where time just disappears. There are no productivity markers or judgement scales in it. Picking up a hobby that we love, watching our favourite TV show, spending time in the garden, reading all can be play.

Rest is simply giving our body and mind the pause they deserve. Not when we earn it, but when we need it. When we learn to become kind to ourselves, we will be able to pick up the signs that tell us it is time for rest.

Relearning How to Play & Rest

If you are reading this and thinking that you have forgotten how to play and consciously take a break, please know that it’s never too late to start relearning. Here are a few steps to help you on the way:

1. Acknowledge the Resistance – begin by becoming aware of this tendency in you and what is getting in the way of play & rest; what associations do you have with them in your mind?
2. Shift your Mindset – From a mindset that sees worth through doing more, judging rest as lazy or play as childish; to a mindset that recognises Play & Rest as vital and necessary for wellbeing
3. Start Small & Simple – Making drastic changes can sometimes be counter-productive in sustaining long term changes. Start by incorporating small and simple activities – putting an alarm every hour to stretch and walk around, taking a break without your phone on you, slowing down consciously as you walk around the house, doing something creative or reconnecting with a hobby that you enjoyed in the past are great ways to begin
4. Create a culture of rest & play – change begins with you so as you adopt this way of being, talk and share it with others, surround yourself with people who value balance and create an environment that motivates you to look after yourself
5. Celebrate moments of pause, not just milestones

And if you are still thinking that you have way too many things to get done and there is no time for Play & Rest, I hope this quote makes you rethink…

“The opposite of play isn’t work, it’s depression”

~ Brian Sutton-Smith

Main – Photo by cottonbro studio