We've all just gone through the end of a year and the beginning of the new one. A calendar threshold which encapsulates Christmas, Boxing Day (for some), New Year's Eve, sales everywhere, Dry January and an increasing amount of people telling us publicly on social media all about what they've learned, how they've grown and evolved in the past twelve months, as if they were in competition for the most authentic virtue signalling tournament of the year.
What's the common thread here?
There are probably more than one, but I'd like to bring our attention to the fact that this is a time where we tend to reach out to those we care about the most. Even or especially if we aren't regularly in touch. This is when we check in, ask them what they've been up to, what their plans are, wish them something nice and dispense some uplifting words of hope tinted with optimism that we may only half believe in, but say nevertheless because it feels appropriate; and maybe also because at the end of every year we secretly hold onto the desire that the next one will be better for us all. Without admitting it, perhaps we quietly make sure we're crossing over together without leaving them behind.
So let's have a look. How many people did you contact this year or how many touched base to exchange some expressed care, consideration and wondrous wishes? For how many did you take the time to pick up the phone to call or answer their call to have a genuine conversation with? How many did you send a thoughtful email to or even a card carefully picked with a pretty stamp on the envelope? How many did you receive in return? Who did you only send an SMS to? Who did you forget or simply decide not to reach out to? Where applicable, what was the quality and the depth of these exchanges? Was it satisfying? If not, what was missing?
The point I am getting at is: we've got (more than ever) the means to communicate without any barriers. It's multifold, fast, affordable, easy, and reliable. Yet more and more, people's ability to do so meaningfully with one another has seemed to plummet. Is there a lesser will to do so? I am not sure. But what is evident however, is how much poorer and rarer these exchanges have become.
It's as if we cared more about being able to 'express' ourselves (or not) than making sure our communication is held to a certain standard. But that in itself is ignoring or dismissing that mediocre communication from one person to another will ultimately impact the relationship. When you know how long it took someone to create their "recap of 2025" reel or stories on Instagram whilst they didn't return your call but instead sent you a three-word "happy new year" text message, with an emoji – if you're lucky. When this happens, and it does ; whether you admit it to yourself or not, it says it all.
To be frank, I am not sure there are any excuses to give at this point. Who doesn't have a phone these days? An email address? A letter box? Have you walked the self-help aisles of any bookshops? They drown in a sea of books on relationships and communication. That's without mentioning the ever growing amount of interpersonal advice that we are presented with by people online we know nothing about but care to watch their videos or read their articles. So what is it, since it's definitely not a lack of access or possibilities.
Obviously the previous statement is rhetorical. To me personally, hardly anything is more meaningful and fulfilling than an interesting and profound conversation. But there is a catch. For one, these don't happen in a vacuum. Secondly, we've got to work at it. Outside of my profession, I don't consider myself a great communicator but, through conscious effort, I am much better than I used to be. Starting with responding to people in a way and a timeframe I'd have appreciated if it was me. The old golden rule: "Do not do unto others what you would not want done unto you."
In retrospect, we're still in January and it's not too late to identify who we may want to ensure feels significant and important to us; enough that we're willing to go a little bit above and beyond to let them know; taking the time to share of ourselves with them and find out about what they're looking forward to this year and genuinely wishing one another that their aspirations come true. And if someone has been unusually quiet, this is even more called for. So if I dared for a minute to tell you what to do: show some regard, pick up the phone – even if it's two weeks, two months late. It's unlikely you'll regret it.
Whichever way we try to look at it and reframe it ; shouting into the ether of Instagram about the beauty, the hard and the ugly of one's life might feel like a big brave 'outing', but this isn't selfless, this isn't vulnerability, this isn't generosity of spirit towards anyone else but oneself. It may make one look a certain way but it'll never replace the silent bliss of making sure everyone we love knows they're loved.
Main – Photo by Michael Cheval
About the Author: Mahé Léa
