So, I Have Lemons, What Now?!

When Life Hands You a Lemon: The Quiet Power of Choosing Your Response

We've all been there. A sharp email lands in your inbox. A careless comment is thrown into conversation. A situation unfolds that feels unfair, frustrating, or simply exhausting. Suddenly, you're holding a lemon you didn't ask for.

What Do You Do With The Unwanted Lemon?

The instinctive reaction is understandable: respond in kind. Fire back. Pass the sourness along. Squeeze that lemon and spray it everywhere, hoping it might relieve some of the sting you feel inside. But while this reaction is human, it just leaves everyone's eyes watering.

The quieter, more transformative question is this: Are you responding in kind, or being kind in your response?

The old phrase "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade" has been repeated so often it risks losing its meaning. Yet, at its heart, it points to something deeply relevant to modern wellbeing: the ability to pause, choose, and respond rather than reacting in fear and self-defence. The challenge isn't the lemon itself, it's what we do with it. You can stop before you shout and breathe before you bluster.

Take a moment to assert yourself over your feelings… before you assert yourself over your friends and colleagues.

But What Should You Do With The Unexpected Lemon?

Acknowledging the lemon is important. It is there. You have it, and you can't change that.

Pretending it doesn't exist, or forcing positivity over genuine frustration, can backfire. But you can put it on the shelf, step back and assess it from a distance. Emotions have a way of demanding attention, whether we grant it or not. Anger, disappointment, and hurt aren't signs of weakness; they are signals. The difficulty lies in acknowledging them without letting them dictate our behaviour.

Photo by Nery Montenegro on Unsplash

A Better Way: Stockpile Sugar.

(Go with me while I stretch the analogy…)

Regularly produce sweetness in your life. Moments of pause and reflection. 2 minutes of stretching and breathing between those meetings, a walk around the office before the next task. When you have stored up some sweetness it can help counteract the acid of the moment.

For the long-term, start having a regular time of calm and reflection at the start or end of the day. Whether its listening to music, reading, meditating, taking a moment of spiritual reflection, or all of them together, find what works for you. Then remind yourself of that it helps by repeating it again tomorrow. Many find that a time of reading and prayer sets them up for the day, and over the years prepares them for challenging seasons. (I personally really notice when I haven't taken that time.) Zooming out to see the bigger picture reframes so many things. History and reality are much bigger than a moment you won't remember next year.

Over time, these small moments of conscious choice accumulate, shaping not just how we feel, but how we think and live.

What Helps Me:

I personally find that the Psalms (ancient Hebrew poetry easily found in the middle of the Christian Bible) are a good starting point for me. Hearing poetry from people who have struggled with much greater challenges than I am helps give a sense of proportion to what I'm experiencing. You are what you consume, and I'd rather take in good things. (Psalm 91 is a personal favourite.)

Moving Past The Lemons: Leading Ourselves To Better Things

So what can you do?

Take a breath. A moment of stillness.

A conscious decision not to throw the lemon at the nearest person. Put the lemon down, examine it, and decide how to proceed.

From a wellbeing perspective, this pause is not trivial. Immediate reactions keep the nervous system on high alert, fuelling stress and emotional exhaustion. Over time, constantly "squeezing the lemon" on others—at work, at home, or in ourselves—can erode our relationships and our inner calm. Choosing a more measured response, on the other hand, supports emotional regulation and resilience.

The reality is that much of life sits beyond our control. We can't dictate other people's behaviour, prevent every disappointment, or smooth every obstacle in our path. What we can influence is how we meet those moments internally. Our emotions and reactions are among the few things that genuinely belong to us.

This is the essence of self-leadership: recognising that leadership doesn't begin with others, but with ourselves. It's the ability to notice when we are triggered, understand what's happening beneath the surface, and act in alignment with our values rather than our impulses. Self-leadership isn't about being endlessly calm or unfailingly positive; it's about being conscious and intentional, even when things feel sour.

Lemonade Still Contains Lemon:

It doesn't deny the bitterness; it transforms it.

Importantly, being kind in your response does not mean being passive or ignoring boundaries. Clarity and calm can coexist with honesty and firmness. Kindness, when grounded, is not weakness.

In practical terms, this might look like stepping away from a conversation before responding. It might mean privately naming an emotion (I'm frustrated, I feel dismissed) before choosing your next words. It might simply involve breathing deeply and reminding yourself that this moment, however uncomfortable, does not require an immediate reaction.

Photo by Florencia Potter on Unsplash

A Moment Of Inspiration:

This reflection was prompted by a recent self-leadership session led by Philippa Richardson of The Circle Line, whose thoughtful approach encouraged participants to look more closely at how they meet challenge and discomfort. Rather than focusing on control or suppression, the session highlighted the value of awareness, pausing, and conscious choice. These are principles and action points (or should those be 'in-action' points) that resonate in home and social life as well as the work environment.

In a modern culture that often rewards speed, certainty, and volume, choosing to pause can feel countercultural. Yet it is precisely this pause—so clearly articulated in Philippa Richardson's session—that allows us to move forward with greater clarity, emotional health, and integrity.

The Lemon-Check:

When lemons hit you (unexpected, uncalled-for, sour), ask:

• What's the emotion I'm feeling?
• When will it no longer matter?
• What is the best course of action?

Name the lemon. Check its shelf-life. Deal with it appropriately.

While you may not control the circumstances, you have a choice in how you meet them.

Main – Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash