Your Step-by-Step guide to Being & Parenting, a Carry Mammal

Dear New or Expectant Parent,

This is just a letter to reassure you as you enter this new world of child-rearing. I write from the position of having worked with a lot of families and seen how frustrating it is for parents to feel they, or their baby even, are failing. They google and, in return, society hands them unrealistic expectations of their new Carry Mammal to drive them crazy…so let's break down the reality.

Firstly what IS a carry mammal?

Well, Humans, Apes and animals with a pouch, like Kangaroos, are!

As Carry Mammals, we birth our young at a much earlier stage of development than other mammals, like horses or rabbits for example….and, as a result, our young are entirely dependent on us to stay fed, safe and comfy.

Historically, and in traditional societies still present across the world, parenting acknowledges this underdevelopment of our human young, with babies kept close to their mother continuously, breastfeeding frequently, sleeping together and babywearing throughout the day with their family and local community assisting as needed to help care for both mother and baby.

Somewhere along the way, some cultures (*cough*, *cough* The UK and The USA I'm looking at you) have largely lost touch with what nature intended and expect our babies to slot neatly, and as independently as possible, into our lives.

In reality…by which I mean, naturally, our baby carry mammals need:

• Lots of closeness from caregivers
• Feeding frequently
• Time for their big brains to grow (to 80% of it's adult size by 2 years old¹!!) so they can eventually do things for themselves

So, for ease, let's break it down:

Step 1

Carry your baby (or someone else's if that helps them – I do that a lot), in arms or in a sling!

You may say: "But Ellie, if I carry my baby too much, I'll spoil them!"

But you won't. You can't "spoil" a baby – you can only respond to their needs and babies, especially newborn babies, need closeness.

Still got those voices reverberating around your head telling you to "put the baby down"? Here's some great benefits of holding your baby (Note, of course, every baby is different and other factors may be contributing to your baby not showing all these benefits) as noted by Dr. Rosie Knowles of Carrying Matters (Undated)²

• Those who carry more can often notice their baby spends less time crying.
• Improved sleep (in terms of time to fall asleep AND lengths of time spent asleep before waking) is found in babies when held, as they are calmer – and less afraid of being eaten by a wild animal.
• Reduced symptoms of reflux in babies who are naturally carried and held more as they remain upright after feeds allowing milk time to digest before being laid down.
• Breastfeeding success is more likely and the duration of a breastfeeding journey is likely to be longer, as the closeness between the nursing baby and the breast make access to frequent feeds, at early signs of wanting it, easier, helping to build and maintain a good supply!
• Keeping baby close contributes to reduced stress and assists with bonding!

Step 2

Feed your baby frequently, preferably on demand (i.e. when they ask for it) day and night.

Breast milk has much lower levels of fat, protein and carbohydrate than other mammals who are more independent from the get-go. A large amount of breast milk is, in-fact, water, ensuring hydration⁵. Breastmilk adapts to meet the needs of your rapidly growing baby and is more than food; even changing between day and night to support your little one's circadian rhythm – their sense of day and night

Babies are designed to feed for hunger, thirst, comfort, emotional regulation and to help them sleep, with some feeds being just a quick 5 minutes and others being longer and a chance for you to catch up on your latest TV show episode or be brought a cup of tea and some cake.

Breast milk is also based on supply and demand, taking lots of energy for the body to produce so, milk left for too long in a full breast – more than 2-3 hours in the early months (but it does depend on your breast storage capacity) – sends a message to headquarters to cut back on production. This is why frequent stimulation of the breast, through feeding or pumping, is vital to maintain supply during the first 6 months of human babies relying exclusively on breastmilk for their nutritional needs. If in doubt, offer boob.

If bottle feeding, smaller is better. On average the tummy size of your baby from 1-6 months is 120ml-150ml as long as feeds are paced and responsive to your baby⁴.

So, if you're concerned your baby isn't stretching between feeds as certain routines, books or sleep training programmes suggest, know that they're writing as if your baby isn't, when in fact they are, a Carry Mammal. So if you see it or read it and it feels wrong, you can ignore it.

Of course, if you ARE worried about how frequently your baby is feeding or how unsettled they are between feeds, other reasons can be explored with the help of an Infant Feeding Professional (like me!)

"But Ellie, what about sleep?!"

Step 3

Sleep close, if not in full body contact, with your baby.

Sleep is, understandably, what so many parents worry about – the idea of sleep being regularly disrupted isn't so appealing.

You may find your little Carry Mammal happily falls, and stays, asleep ON you for hours, whether sat on the sofa snuggling them, or in a carrier on the move. You may also find that as long as movement is provided in general, even in the pram bassinet on a walk, baby will keep dozing happily…

The issues arise when attempting to put your baby Carry Mammal down, safely on their back, in their stationary cot or parking up the pram after they've fallen asleep…

BAM! Eyes are open and they're crying out for a cuddle…Or, if you're lucky, they sleep 30 or 40 minutes then…you guessed it…BAM!

Why? In close contact with you, your baby Carry Mammal is reassured by your smell, your heartbeat, your breathing, safe from any danger while in the very vulnerable state that sleep brings. A young baby's brain is very primitive (at around 25% of its full size at birth)¹ and does not know the difference between you placing them safely in their cot in your safe flat in London while you go to the loo, and you placing them on the ground in the middle of nowhere while they abandon you to the fate of the local predatory wildlife. Everything in their body tells them to wake and alert nearby humans to rescue them.

In the bassinet on a walk, the gentle rocking provides that same reassurance that they are on the move, held, like they were in the womb as you moved about – or on the move more easily able to escape the sharp teeth of any prowling creatures…They are rocked gently to sleep and continue to be rocked for as long as you keep moving. Between sleep cycles, around 30-40minutes after falling asleep, as they wake (like we all do) to check in on their surroundings, your body, or the motion of the buggy, reassures them they're safe to keep sleeping and so they do.

But put them down? Or stop moving? And, BAM! Either their internal alarm immediately goes off or, if you're lucky, they carry on sleeping, waking 30-40 minutes after falling asleep as they check in and find themselves separate from you, lying on their back, exposed to any dangers! And so they alert you – loudly or otherwise (depending on the individual).

If your little one resettles in your arms, brilliant: you both get an oxytocin-rich cuddle.

If they don't want to sleep anymore?

That's fine too.

This need for closeness is why being educated on safe bedsharing is an important part of preparing for your new Carry Mammal's arrival.

As simple as it feels to tell yourself you'll never bedshare, the likelihood is that you will at some point – whether from day 1 when it suddenly just feels natural to not want to put your baby down, or months down the line one morning at 2am, desperate for more sleep.

Here are some starters from the Lullaby Trust⁶, with the caveat it is always safest to be breastfeeding if bed sharing.

• Never fall asleep with your baby on a sofa or armchair
• Never share a sleep space with baby if you smoke, have drunk alcohol or taken drugs
• Avoid bedsharing with your premature baby (born before 37 weeks or under 5.5lbs)
• Keep Pets away from the sleep space
• Keep pillows and bedding away from baby
• Keep bed away from walls so baby cannot become wedged, trapped or fall out of bed
• Follow safe sleep ABC's
• Never leave baby on the bed unsupervised
• Use the cuddle curl position or follow safe chest-sleeping guidance

Ellie with a baby (Permission to us photo granted by parents)

Step 4

Find support who happily carries your baby AND you because we were never meant to do it alone.

What I mean by this is: it's great – and in-line with our nature – for every visitor to want to hold the baby. So if you are comfortable, and baby is happy, then pass the baby over! But remember, it's also natural to want to keep your baby close, for them to want to feed regularly (and often even more when visitors are over as your little carry mammal seeks familiarity from closeness with you.

So, if you and your baby are comfier staying together, then here are things your visitors can do for you:

• Feed you…cook you meals, cake, bring a takeaway over
• Do some adorable (never-ending) baby laundry
• Do any washing up lying around while you chat
• Play with any older children who are needing some attention
• Make cups of tea (mine have been mentioned in reviews)
• Keep you company

Step 5

Only joking. That will do!

I hope this letter came (or comes) in handy to reassure you that, in all likelihood, a lot of what you and your newborn naturally do, or feel is comfortable and right, is just that: natural. Holding your baby is not "making a rod for your own back" and safely sleeping with your baby is not a "bad habit".

We may have mobile phones, the internet and electric cars but, to our babies, the world has never changed. To your baby, YOU are their world.

So hold, feed & cuddle away…& don't forget to ask for extra hands when you need them.

Good luck!

Ellie-May

References

• ¹Pickett, E. (Undated) 'It's not rocket science. It's biology'
• ²Knowles, R. (Undated) 'Why Carrying Children Matters'
• ³Kim, S. Y. and Yi, D. Y. (2020) 'Components of human breast milk from macronutrient to microbiome and microRNA' Clinical and Experimental Pediatrics, 63(8) pp.301-309
• ⁴La Leche League (2022) 'Newborns Have Small Stomachs'
• ⁵La Leche League Canada (2022) 'Mammal Milk Composition and Mother Styles'
• ⁶Lullably Trust (2025) 'Co-sleeping with your baby'

Main – Photo by Ondrej Machart on Unsplash