How I Applied Mel Robbins’ ‘Let Them’ Theory to My Holiday & Here’s What Happened

I applied Mel Robbins' 'Let Them' theory to my vacation and had the best holiday I've ever had.

How can such a simple concept have such a HUGE impact?

And how had it not occurred to me (or most of us) until Mel's book came out, distilling the idea into something tangible and easily actionable?

Holidays, even more than daily life, hold an inherent paradox. We most often go on holiday to spend quality time with family and friends, free from the time-sucking commitments back home.

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So now we are in the location we have agreed upon as the backdrop for our adventures. Sometimes holiday participants are unified in the agenda well in advance of departure. It's a beach vacay, we're skiing, or it's a historic sightseeing trip.

But what happens when individual preferences at a more granular level differ? Is the decision of what to do for dinner or the day's activities based on the majority vote? Does that leave one or more people compromising their experience and joy during this year's hard-earned, precious vacation days?

Unless consciously managed, group dynamics suggest it will tend to be the same group members who are on the downside of said compromise every time. Often this happens under the guise of 'going with the flow,' 'being happy just to be here,' or 'ok to do whatever.'

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This phenomenon, which has become more pronounced in recent years, is explored in depth in Mark Roeder's book The Big Mo: Why Momentum Rules Our World. The book explicitly explores how people and organisations get swept up in momentum and "go with the flow" of societal or group forces:

"They become 'momentum surfers' who are willing to ride the wave rather than question its direction."

This was me. Until it wasn't. Perhaps I always, low-key, did have a preference but wasn't conscious enough of it to voice it. It really felt like I woke up one day and looked back to see a lot of experiences that, in hindsight, would not have been my first choice. That is not to say that I didn't have fun, that they were devoid of value, or that I didn't love connecting with the people I travelled with.

This led me to ask the question: "Am I easygoing, or am I an unwitting people pleaser?"

Psychology Today's online quiz helped me find the answer!

According to the 20-question quiz, I'm in the middle, and the insights illuminated by the quiz do ring true when I reflect on my conditioning, conscious and unconscious behaviours, and patterns.

Part of my current reflection on this conundrum is that I'm over 50 now. I'm fit and healthy, but I am also starkly aware of how many more big, long-location holidays I can realistically fit in. Life is busy, and holidays take time and money.

Most people, myself included, are not in a position to travel back-to-back to fit in a seemingly never-ending list of destinations and experiences.

Plus, I have other goals, commitments, and things I enjoy, which I obviously couldn't pursue if I were on holiday nonstop. I do like being at home too! And if holidays are endless, they become 'business as usual' and cease to feel like a getaway. Standard operating procedure is reversed in this scenario, and going home becomes the escape.

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Enter the 'Let Them' theory. It helped me with all of the above. After many years on the family holiday waiting list (admittedly, I am also easily persuaded to book options farther down my list when suggested because I want to go everywhere and see everything!), I finally managed to stay steely in my resolve, and we booked my long-time dream vacation.

The next consideration: this was my dream holiday. The rest of my travel compadres (aka my family) were visibly neutral about the whole thing. Enter 'Let Them.' The timing of that book reaching my local library could not have been better. I finished it a week or two before we flew out.

To give a brief overview of the 'Let Them' theory for those yet to be introduced:

It's not a clinically developed theory — in fact, it sprouted organically from a teen prom situation to which any parent of a teen can relate! Mel's son and his friends had made a series of impractical (to an adult's mind) plans for the night, including a restaurant too small for their group and refusing umbrellas with a torrential downpour looming.

Her daughter intervened and said, "Let them."

Let them deal with there not being enough seats at the restaurant. Let them get wet! Suddenly, like a camera zooming in on its subject, the 'Let Them' theory shone through like a beacon, clearing the way for the phrase that has become a verb, a tattoo, and taken a firm place in the current vernacular.

At the core of the 'Let Them' philosophy:

• Let people be who they are
  By releasing any attempts to control others, we allow people to show us who they truly are.

• Let me consider & choose how I respond
  When we consciously choose our responses, we create healthy boundaries that make space for authentic interactions.

• The result is a feeling of protected inner peace
  Free from the tangled energy that comes from the illusion of control.

• We then have the power, from a place of balance & calm,
  To make decisions about who and what we spend our time and energy on.

• Move forward with clarity, self-respect & choose peace over people-pleasing.

So how did all this empower me to have my dream holiday in all its anticipated, pre-imagined glory?

I decided before I left that I would use 'Let Them' to ensure that, put bluntly, NOTHING was going to get in the way of my enjoyment.

This is not to say everything was perfect, or that there wasn't a single travel hiccup. Not at all — as I've come to know after many years of travel, adventures are unpredictable. There are a lot of moving parts and lots of people involved. And 'Let Them' served me well at every turn… until my new mindset tool was tested!

Strangely, the incident that triggered me the most was fairly innocuous. We arrived in Hawaii and the taxi company hadn't kept up to date with the flight schedule. You can probably guess the infuriating phone tag and disappearing taxi hijinks that ensued! Eventually, they turned up at the original, later flight arrival time.

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I was furious! After a literal lifetime dreaming of this trip, I was so close, yet so far. In Hawaii… but stuck in the airport car park.

I realised I had assumed a seamless transition: floating off the plane, flying through baggage claim, and being whisked to my gorgeous hotel for my welcome drink, palm trees swaying in the breeze, and the smell of the ocean enveloping me.

When the taxi finally arrived, I fortunately had the awareness and presence of mind to say:

"Let Them."

Let there be a delay at the start of my holiday. Let there be a mix-up with the pick-up time. Let me shake it off as quickly as possible while still processing my feelings about the situation — not repressing them.

It was a small inconvenience, but it sparked big emotions.

Using 'Let Them' allowed me to cool down enough to release and reset by the time we checked in.

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Ultimately, 'Let Them' delivers a way for us to deal with the fact that there is really very little over which we have control. We love to, and are extremely good at, creating the illusion of control in our lives.

Beneath the facade, in the minutiae, lies the unpredictable, the spontaneous, and the opportunity for either friction or flow.

I choose FLOW. The juxtaposition with flow is that the very word itself suggests the ease, clarity, and buoyancy of a Waikiki wave.

It's not easy, but by practicing awareness in the moment, stepping into the power of our choices amidst turbulent emotions, we can remain buoyant and emerge from the rapids with clarity — ready to drink the next welcome cocktail that life throws our way.

Main – The Let Them Theory Book | #1 Bestseller – Mel Robbins