Once Upon a Time…
My strapline / vision statement is 'Connecting with People at a Deep Level to Help Them Change Their Narratives.' Someone pointed out to me that this seems more the work of a therapist than that of a coach. I suppose in a way that that is right, but in fact it could be a relevant approach for anyone who works with people.
Let me explain.
What stories might we be telling?
Some years ago, I did a personality profile (not Spotlight, which is one that I have since been trained in!). One of the outcomes of this was that I am highly risk-averse. It spoke about the types of environments that I would be best to work in.
Now, reflecting on it, I think I misunderstood what the report was really trying to say. However, I have made various decisions based on that report's findings: trying to avoid risk, seeking out opportunities that fit 'my' particular mould. As it turns out, that is only part of the story. I actually have a risk appetite: there just needs to be some mitigating factors. I can operate outside that type of structure: I just need people around me, for support and to bounce ideas off. Sounding boards, if you will.
Photo by Francisco Delgado on Unsplash
Who are we telling a story to?
As human beings, we live in narratives. We almost constantly narrate to ourselves – and, by extension, to others – as we go through life. Whether we are celebrating a success or mourning a loss, we are reinforcing learning behaviours that influence how we show up. Training our neural pathways, if you will. (I personally believe there's more to it than that. James writes in the Bible – my holy scriptures – that the power of life and death is in the tongue. Words are powerful. The stories we tell may change – destroy or build up – a life.)
There are two main audiences of humans that we tell these stories to. One is ourselves, and the other is to other people.
Why are we telling that story?
Maybe you grew up believing that you would never amount to anything. You might have never had an encouraging word said to you. Sad.
Perhaps you believed in yourself and your abilities despite what other people told you. You might have wanted to rebel against that narrative, and write your own script.
If that's you, well done. It takes courage to fight against the stories other people want us to fill.
On the other hand, it could be that you've believed those stories.
What beliefs might you need to address in order to move forward?
What stories do we want to tell?
Ultimately, we have a big say in what we tell ourselves and other people. We could resign ourselves to the stories that seem to be scripted for us: 'Oh, I've never been good at x,' or 'I could never do y.' This fatalism is not always helpful. In fact, quite the opposite.
To pick up on the personality test idea, when used well, a tool like Spotlight will highlight to us both our natural strengths as well as when – and possibly how – to pivot into other ways of doing things. Other narratives to tell ourselves. Other beliefs.
The fact is, we can change. We are doing so our whole lives.
Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash
The End
I guess one question that is really obvious is, 'What do we hope to gain from these stories?'
In other words, what do we want to get out of life?
If it is financial or career success, then that leads us to being (or presenting ourselves as) a different type of 'hero' from someone who prioritises personal relationships. Who I want to be is really an extension of who I already am.
If you'd like to explore this further, I suggest asking some close friends and family what strengths they see in you. When are you at your best? If you're feeling brave, you could ask them what things to watch out for. Their answers might surprise you. It might then be helpful to talk it through with someone a bit more professional.
In conclusion, our stories are powerful.
What are you telling yourself? What kind of hero are you (if you are the hero of your story at all)? How are you going to step forward and write – inasmuch as it's in your power – the tale you want told?
About the Author: Jeff Slater
