Navigating Summer Gatherings During Your Fertility Journey
Summer is often seen as a season of happiness: holidays, BBQs, family gatherings and making memories with the people we love.
But for women navigating fertility challenges or pregnancy loss, summer gatherings can become another situation where they have to put on a brave face while carrying emotions that feel impossible to explain.
Because during the summer holidays, the reminders can feel everywhere.
Family days out. Children laughing together. Friends sharing their holiday photos. Conversations about school, parenting and family plans. Baby announcements. Gatherings where everyone seems to have the one thing you are longing for.
And while you may genuinely feel happy for the people around you, these moments can also bring up a deep sense of sadness, grief or loneliness.
Not because you don’t appreciate what you have.
Not because you don’t want others to be happy.
But because you are carrying a dream that hasn’t happened yet, and sometimes summer has a way of making that absence feel even more visible.
A client recently shared a moment that many women will recognise. She was at a family barbecue, trying to enjoy the afternoon, when someone casually asked:
“So, when are you two finally going to start a family?”
Although the question was asked innocently, her body immediately reacted. Her heart raced, her stomach dropped, and she felt the urge to escape the conversation.
What others may not realise is that, for someone on this journey, it is rarely just one question.
It can bring back years of waiting, appointments, disappointment, loss, uncertainty and the constant hope that maybe this month will finally be different.
When you have been carrying the emotional weight of fertility struggles for years, a simple comment can touch a much deeper place than people realise.
You might find yourself smiling when you want to cry, attending events when your heart feels heavy, or trying to reassure everyone around you that you are okay when you are struggling privately.
And this can create a painful conflict: wanting to protect yourself while also worrying that you are letting others down.
But protecting your emotional wellbeing is not selfish. It is an act of self-compassion.
When your nervous system is already carrying so much, creating moments of safety and support becomes an important part of caring for yourself.
Create a safety anchor before you attend
One tool I often use with clients is an NLP anchoring technique, a way of helping you reconnect with a feeling or emotional state you want to access when you need it most, such as calm, safety or inner strength.
Before attending a gathering that feels challenging, you can create your own simple reminder of safety.
Choose a small object you can carry with you — perhaps a bracelet, necklace, ring or even a smooth stone in your pocket.
Before you leave, take a moment to pause and connect with a feeling of calm and safety. You might place your hand on your heart, take a few deep breaths, and remind yourself:
I am safe.
I can support myself through this moment.
I am allowed to honour my feelings.
I can step away if I need to.
During the gathering, if you notice yourself becoming overwhelmed, use this as a gentle reminder to come back to yourself.
Take a breath. Feel your feet on the ground. Hold your chosen object and remind yourself that you have choices.
Give yourself permission to honour your needs
Many women feel pressure to appear “fine” because they do not want to make others uncomfortable.
But you do not owe anyone a performance of being okay.
Before attending an event, give yourself permission to:
- Leave early if you feel emotionally drained.
- Step outside for a few minutes if you need space.
- Avoid conversations that feel too painful.
- Decide in advance how much you want to share about your journey.
You may also find it helpful to prepare a response for questions that feel intrusive.
For example:
“We’re taking things one step at a time, but thank you for caring.”
or
“It’s something we’re keeping private at the moment, but I appreciate your kindness.”
Having words prepared can help you feel more grounded in moments when emotions take over.
Your worth is not measured by how much you can endure
One of the hardest parts of fertility struggles is that so much of the experience can feel outside your control.
But one thing you can choose is how gently you care for yourself along the way.
You are allowed to protect your energy.
You are allowed to have boundaries.
You are allowed to honour your emotions.
Choosing compassion for yourself does not mean you are withdrawing from life. It means you are supporting yourself through a season that asks a lot from your heart.
This summer, instead of asking yourself:
“How can I get through this without struggling?”
Try asking:
“What do I need to feel supported in this moment?”
All images created using AI
About the Author: Laetitia Felix
