The Pressure to Be Okay
“Just stay positive and it will happen.”
If you’ve been on a fertility journey, chances are you’ve heard this more times than you can count.
I remember those words all too well. At first, they sounded hopeful. But over time, they began to feel like pressure. I found myself caught between two worlds: the one where I wanted to stay optimistic, and the one where I felt like I was failing—my body, myself, and even my partner. I started to believe that something must be wrong with me—not just physically, but emotionally too. That maybe I wasn’t being “positive enough.”
And then came the well-meaning advice:
“Stop thinking about it.”
“Take a holiday—it always happens when you’re not trying.”
“Just relax and trust.”
Behind those suggestions was an unspoken message: Your pain is too much. Tidy it up. Smile through it.
But here’s the thing – I’m a mindset coach.
I deeply believe in the power of mindset to support the fertility journey. I believe our thoughts, beliefs, and emotions have a direct impact on our nervous system and hormonal balance. But that’s not the same as pretending everything is okay when it’s not.
There’s a fine line between genuine positivity and toxic positivity—the kind that asks you to suppress your emotions, push down your grief, and plaster a smile over your heartbreak.
When positivity becomes a mask, it stops helping. It disconnects you from your truth. And in a journey as raw and vulnerable as fertility, connection to yourself is vital.
What I advocate instead is awareness.
Awareness of your inner dialogue. Awareness of the fear, the sadness, the jealousy, the frustration—without judgment. Not to stay stuck in it, but to meet it with compassion and curiosity.
To gently ask:
What’s really behind this thought? What do I need right now?
Because real mindset work is not about forcing yourself to feel good—it’s about understanding what’s getting in the way of feeling whole.
You’re allowed to have bad days. You’re allowed to grieve. You’re allowed to scream into a pillow and say “this isn’t fair.” That doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human.
And ironically, it’s when we allow space for our real emotions that we make room for hope, softness, and even joy to return—not as pressure, but as possibility.
So if you’re tired of trying to be perfect, let that go.
You don’t have to be endlessly positive. You just have to be real.
That’s more than enough.
Main – Photo by RDNE Stock project