What no one tells you about IVF: how to calm your nervous system, rebuild body trust & find peace through every stage of fertility treatment.
I haven't been through IVF myself.
But I've walked beside many women who have.
Over the years, I've held space for them on video calls filled with quiet tears, nervous laughter and long pauses that say more than words. I've sat with them through the two-week silence where time stretches and hope feels fragile. I've supported them as they navigated medications, results and the constant swing between faith and fear. And I've seen them become mothers in every sense of the word: through birth, through healing, through rediscovering trust in their bodies.
What I've learned over the years isn't just what happens in the clinic but what happens quietly inside women as they wait, hope and come back to themselves.
This isn't medical advice. It's emotional guidance drawn from real client experiences: what hurt, what helped and what made the process a little lighter on the body and kinder on the heart. IVF is more than protocols and numbers; it asks a lot of your nervous system, your relationships and your faith in your body. That's where my work begins: understanding what it feels like to live inside this experience, not just move through its steps.
Think of what follows as a simple, human map, not a promise, not a perfect plan, shaped by women who have lived it. Their feedback. Their challenges. The small practices that carried them from one step to the next. Whether you're preparing, in the middle of treatment or finding your way after it, I'm here to help you meet this experience with more calm, more clarity and a deeper trust in your body.
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1. Before IVF: From control to connection
a. Why exhaustion shows up (and why "unexplained" isn't clarity)
By the time many women arrive at IVF, they're already running on empty.
Months, sometimes years of trying, hoping, tracking and researching have quietly worn the mind and body down. The calendar has become a countdown. The mind a spreadsheet of symptoms and possible causes. The relationship… a to-do list built around ovulation windows and clinic appointments.
And when the diagnosis finally comes as "unexplained infertility", it doesn't feel like clarity at all. It isn't an answer; it's the absence of one, a phrase that says we don't know why, while leaving your heart to fill in the blanks.
That uncertainty creates its own kind of exhaustion. When there's no visible reason, the mind turns inward, searching for what it did wrong. The body, sensing danger it can't define, moves into survival mode: cortisol and adrenaline rise, muscles tighten, breath shortens. Every cycle becomes a test of willpower.
But conception doesn't happen through control. It happens through connection.
The body can't receive while it's defending. That's why, whether you're preparing for IVF, in the middle of it or finding your way after, I invite women to pause. Not to "fix" their bodies but to unwind years of pressure. Your body isn't broken; it's just tired of being on alert. When it finally feels safe, it can do what it's meant to do.
One of my clients, G., once told me she'd spent almost eight years searching for an explanation. She'd done every test, every supplement, every protocol and still, her diagnosis stayed "unexplained".
She described living in "constant problem-solving mode". When we began our work, it wasn't about adding more effort, it was about listening.
Through transformational hypnosis, we uncovered what had been hiding in plain sight: she was always on alert, moving through life ready for the next challenge. Her body had learned to fight as a form of safety. As she slowly allowed herself to relax that protective response in her body, her breath deepened, her sleep returned and her body began to trust again.
A few weeks in, she shared: "For the first time in years, I don't feel like my body is against me".
That moment changed everything. Before any medical treatment began, her cycle had already stabilised and she began to feel more at ease. Sometimes the most powerful preparation isn't in another protocol, it's in helping the body remember what safety feels like.
Connection is the foundation of healthy fertility.
When the nervous system feels secure, hormones find rhythm again, blood flow returns to the reproductive organs and the body shifts from surviving to opening. It's a quiet change, almost invisible at first and it changes everything.
b. From Disconnection to Reconnection (how the brain & body really react)
When the brain senses danger, everything else takes a back seat, including reproduction. It's not that your body doesn't want to conceive; it's prioritising survival.
If your mind believes the world around you isn't safe or reassuring, your body redirects energy to keep you alert: protecting your heart, holding tension in your muscles, keeping you ready to run. Conception and pregnancy, in those moments, sit quietly at the bottom of the list.
My client V. once told me she'd had a sudden panic attack. Her heart was racing, her chest tight, her breath caught high in her chest. When I gently asked what she'd been doing just before it happened, she said: "I was watching a movie with my husband".
It turned out the movie was about a little boy taken from his parents, a story of fear and loss. Her body reacted as if it was her child in danger.
That's how powerful the mind-body connection is. Even when she knew it was just a movie, her nervous system didn't. It responded exactly as if the threat were real: adrenaline rising, heart racing, breath shortening.
After months or years of hoping, tracking and waiting, the mind learns to stay on alert, scanning for signs, guarding you against disappointment. But the body can't open while it's defending. The nervous system can't nurture when it's busy surviving. That's why so many women tell me they feel disconnected from their bodies long before IVF even begins.
Now imagine the opposite.
Hearing gentle, grounding words that bring you back to this moment; reminding your body it's safe now, loved now, supported now. Your body responds just as strongly to that input, only this time toward healing, balance, and receptivity.
That's the essence of my work: using transformational hypnotherapy and powerful guided visualisation to teach the subconscious how to come back home. When your mind reconnects with calm, your body follows: hormones regulate, muscles release, blood flow returns where it's needed most. Connection replaces control.
Try this:
Remember a moment when you felt disconnected: when your body was tense, your thoughts crowded, your breathing tight.
Now bring to mind a moment of connection: maybe holding someone's hand, walking barefoot on the sand or laughing until the noise in your head went quiet.
You've already experienced both states. Your body already knows the way back.
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c. Words shape the body (language ritual to reset your system)
The words you use when you talk about IVF or fertility aren't just words, they're instructions your subconscious listens to. Every sentence you speak (even the quiet ones in your head) tells your body whether it can open and trust or close off and hold back.
Your body follows your words. The subconscious mind treats language as instruction. When you speak with fear or doubt, your body hears that too. When you speak with trust and love, it listens in the same way. Changing your words isn't "thinking positive", it's reprogramming your body's response to your experience.
A simple exercise
Grab a pen and paper. Close your eyes. Imagine you've just been told your pregnancy is confirmed.
- What's the first feeling that arrives?
- What's the feeling that follows it?
Write them both down.
On the same page, write down the phrases you actually use about your body, your age, your fertility and IVF. Don't overthink, just notice. Are they words of trust and care or fear and frustration?
V., one of my clients, realised how powerful this shift could be. She used to speak about her body with quiet frustration: "It's not cooperating… it's letting me down".
When we began replacing those words with phrases like: "I'm already creating space for new life" something subtle but profound changed. Her cycle began to regulate, her sleep deepened and she said: "I stopped waking up angry at myself".
When your words grow gentler, your body stops tightening. It starts listening again, not to fear but to faith in itself.
Now imagine this: every step of IVF, every exam, every injection, every wait as a bridge being built between you and the life that's coming. If your baby could hear every word you speak, 24/7, what would you change? How would you speak about your body and your journey?
"Your body isn't broken; it's tired of being on alert"
Your body hears everything you say. Let your words become its home.
2. During IVF: Soothe what you can, release what you can't
a. The emotional rollercoaster (what nobody tells you)
No one really prepares you for the emotional side of IVF.
They tell you about injections, appointments and protocols but not about the quiet unfolding that happens in between. The hope, the fear, the waiting. The days when you feel strong and sure… and the nights when you feel like you're falling apart.
If you've ever thought: "Why am I reacting like this?", you're not alone.
Your emotions aren't random; they're your body trying to protect you. When there's so much uncertainty, your nervous system swings between two states: hope and fear. One moment you're imagining the baby you long for and the next, your body is preparing for disappointment before it even arrives.
That swing isn't emotional weakness, it's biology.
The same hormones that prepare your body for conception are intertwined with the ones that regulate stress and fear. When you're in "waiting mode", your system floods with adrenaline and cortisol, trying to protect you from bad news. That's why you might find yourself overthinking, crying easily or feeling detached. It's not that you're losing control, it's that your body loves you so much, it does what it knows best: it protects you from pain.
You can remind it that it doesn't have to.
Try this: when you feel your thoughts racing, come back to a single physical detail: the texture of your blanket, the rhythm of your breath, the weight of your body on the chair. These small sensory anchors tell your nervous system: "We're here now. We're safe now".
Each time you do this, you gently retrain your body to stay present instead of anticipating pain.
You might also notice how easy it is to feel disconnected, from your partner, your friends and even yourself.
Not because you don't love them but because no one else can fully feel what's happening inside your body. That disconnection can feel heavy, even inside a loving relationship. You can ease it by naming it for what it is: "This is hard for both of us, just in different ways". When you say it out loud, the space between you starts to close.
And please remember, it's okay to feel grateful and sad at the same time.
You can be thankful for the chance to do IVF and still feel the weight of what it demands from your mind and body. You can love the dream of your baby and cry from exhaustion. Both truths can coexist and what matters isn't that you visit those harder places but how long you stay there. Let the difficult moments pass through; they don't define you, they just remind you that you are human and that you care deeply.
The emotional rollercoaster isn't something to conquer; it's something to ride with self-understanding.
You won't always feel this way. There's a version of you beyond the clinic, beyond the waiting, beyond the constant what-ifs, calmer, clearer and more connected to your body and your joy. And she's already on her way back to you.
b. Finding calm in chaos (caring for the terrain of your body)
One of the most important and most overlooked parts of IVF is emotional support.
For a process that touches every part of your mind, body and heart, it still amazes me that not all clinics offer it as part of their care. If you're going through IVF, please don't do it without emotional support. It's not a optional, it's what helps your body stay open to the process.
We've been taught from a young age that doing everything on our own makes us strong, that asking for help somehow means we've failed. But that belief is a lie.
Strength isn't doing it all alone; it's knowing when to reach for a hand that grounds you.
Having support isn't just good for your heart. It helps your body stay open, receptive and balanced. It helps you put every chance on your side at every step of the process.
During IVF, your mind and body are processing an enormous amount of information, hope and anticipation. Anything that brings you calm and relaxation during this period is medicine for your nervous system. You deserve to be held through this process, not left to hold it all alone.
Over the years, I've seen how small, simple habits can make a world of difference for my clients; not because they're complicated but because they bring the body back into connection:
- Walk barefoot on the sand or grass. Let the ground hold you; your body will remember what support feels like.
- Listen to music that quiets your thoughts and slows your breathing.
- Spend five quiet minutes each day focusing on your breath. No goal, no fixing, just noticing your inhale and your exhale.
- Play a hypnosis recording before sleep. It helps your body unwind and repair overnight. You can access mine through my Free Fertility Course, a beautiful way to support your mind and body through treatment.
These practices soothe the nervous system and they also prepare the physical terrain your fertility depends on. IVF isn't just a medical process; it's an emotional and biochemical one. Your body needs stability, rhythm and rest to do its part.
Here's how to support that terrain while you receive treatment:
- The 90-day journey: Your eggs begin maturing about three months before ovulation, which means how you eat, rest and manage stress now shapes your next cycle. Think of it as quiet preparation, your body getting ready behind the scenes.
- Sleep: your underrated fertility treatment. Deep sleep is when your body produces crucial reproductive hormones like estrogen, progesterone and testosterone. Protect your rest like something sacred because it is.
- The hidden hormone of sunlight: Vitamin D isn't just for bones, it's vital for fertility. Low levels are linked with irregular cycles, lower embryo quality and reduced IVF success rates. A little safe sunlight or a supplement (checked with your doctor) can go a long way.
- Cortisol: biology, not blame. When stress hormones dominate, your body shifts energy away from reproduction. When cortisol is balanced, blood sugar steadies, inflammation drops and your reproductive hormones find rhythm again. Gentle movement, grounding practices and optimum hydration are your daily best friends.
IVF works best when your body isn't just following a protocol but feeling supported from within. You're not just preparing for pregnancy; you're teaching your body what calm, connection and safety feel like again.
Be mindful of what surrounds you in this vulnerable time.
The people you talk to, the stories you hear, the places you visit, the movies you watch, the music you listen to; all of it shapes your emotional field.
Let in only what soothes you, uplifts you and helps you feel supported.
If you're not sure where to start, I've created a free fertility course that includes a daily hypnosis recording. You can listen before bed or whenever you need to come back to yourself. It's designed to help you reconnect with your body, calm your mind and create balance on your unique. You can access it anytime; because calm isn't something you have to earn; it's something you can return to.
"Connection isn't emotional fluff,
it's the language your body speaks when it feels safe to create life"
c. Micro-beliefs that carry you (turning fear into connection)
Every woman who goes through IVF carries a quiet dialogue inside her mind, little sentences that repeat without asking permission.
Some are hopeful. Many are heavy.
"I'm running out of time".
"My body isn't doing what it should".
"I don't know how much more I can take".
"I always get bad news".
"I'm scared to hope again".
These thoughts don't come from weakness; they come from love, exhaustion and the instinct to protect yourself from disappointment. But every time one of those phrases loops in your mind, your body listens. It tightens and prepares for loss before it even happens.
That's why I encourage my clients to come back to simple, reassuring thoughts that re-educate your body and regulate emotion. They don't deny reality or force positivity; they gently move your system from contraction to connection.
Try these:
"I succeed at each stage".
"Every step I take takes me closer to my baby".
"I'm already creating space for new life".
"I'm caring for my future child with every act of self-care".
Each time you repeat them, before a scan, during an injection, while waiting for results, you're telling your body that progress isn't just measured in numbers but in faith in yourself, your body and your fertility.
One of my favourite practices is transforming injections into moments of connection.
Many of my clients use that time to speak softly to their future baby, whispering words of love, gratitude and calm as they prepare the medication. Instead of fear, the moment becomes sacred.
A way of saying: "I'm already caring for you".
The body begins to associate each step with purpose rather than pressure.
One of my clients once said: "The injections didn't change but my body's response did. For the first time, I felt calm instead of tense". That moment wasn't about luck; it was about her body finally recognising safety again.
Another client used to dread acupuncture, she described tensing up before every session, waiting for the sting. Through our work, she began approaching it differently: breathing with her body instead of against it, welcoming the treatment as something supportive rather than invasive. After one session, she told me: "It doesn't hurt anymore, I can actually feel my body receiving it".
These moments might seem small, but they mark a profound shift: the body moving from resistance to receptivity.
Research confirms this: women who reduce stress and engage in mind-body practices during IVF not only report greater emotional wellbeing, they often experience higher success rates. Lower stress means steadier hormones, better circulation and a body that feels safe enough to do what it's designed to do.
Every part of IVF can become an act of connection if you choose to see it that way. Each exam, each injection, each waiting period: one step closer, one gentler breath, one more way your body remembers how to open.
You don't have to rush it; you just have to stay with yourself.
Your body is listening to your words, your thoughts, your tone.
And when it feels believed in, it remembers how to open again.
3. After IVF: Rest, Rebuild, Realign
a. Treatment isn't what brings you back to balance, you do!
If you've just come through IVF, your body and heart need more than a plan; they need a pause.
Grief, anger, jealousy, even numbness, these aren't character flaws. They're physiology catching up with everything you've carried. Rest isn't giving up; it's how the body finds its way back.
IVF can be a blessing, a bridge in a longer story but it isn't what makes you whole. That part is yours.
Healing happens alongside protocols not after a positive test. This is where we bring ease back to the nervous system, rebuild trust in the body and let it remember what connection feels like again. Hypnotherapy helps here: instead of holding tension against your body, you learn to be at home in it, so it can receive.
My client I. once told me she'd spent decades putting everyone else first until she no longer recognised herself. Our work was a slow return, breath by breath, to self-respect, boundaries and worth. She described it as "feeling born again". That's the kind of healing that changes the whole journey: the kind that restores you.
If you can, give yourself a window to rebuild before trying again. Not to chase perfection but to let your body settle and feel safe enough to open.
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b. "Failed" isn't failure, it's feedback
IVF didn't fail you. It revealed what still needs care.
The result is information. Before trying again, turn that feedback into alignment.
A gentle roadmap
- Rest & Regulate
Rest is how your body rewrites safety
Prioritise rest, not as something you "earn" but as something your body needs to reset its chemistry. Sleep well and slow down often: long exhales, guided relaxation, short walks in nature or simply sitting quietly with your breath. Rest isn't stillness; it's active recovery. - Rebuild the Terrain
Rebuild is how your body remembers strength.
Support your body like you would a garden that's learning to bloom again. Focus on real food, plenty of water that truly hydrates (good quality water matters more than we think). Keep your circulation moving through gentle walks.
And when you review your health, don't stop at "normal". Ask for a thorough, holistic view of your body not just the standard tests. Work with someone who sees the whole picture not just the results on paper. - Realign mind & body
Realign is how your mind and body begin to move together again.
The mind gives the body instructions 24 hours a day. The words you think become the chemistry you live in. Notice your thoughts: are they speaking calm or fear? Encouragement or control?
Your emotions, too, leave traces. They show up as breath, as muscle tension, as energy. Becoming aware of what you feel and how you speak to yourself is part of the healing.
Try this gentle practice: once a day, pause and ask: "What's the message my body is getting from me right now?" Then shift the smallest thing: a thought, a breath, a gesture, toward kindness.
Realignment isn't about perfection. It's about teaching your mind and body to move together again, in the same direction.
You're not starting from zero; you're starting from knowing. Your body has learned about safety, rhythm and trust. Your mind has learned how to listen instead of fight. None of that is lost, it's what carries you forward.
c. When the body remembers the way (real hope)
Here's a kind of hope that doesn't pressure you: once the body learns how to relax and trust, it doesn't forget.
I've seen women heal emotionally after treatment, releasing the grip of control, sleeping again, speaking kindly to themselves and then conceive, sometimes naturally, sometimes simply living with more peace in their bodies than they thought possible.
One couple I worked with had faced six years of infertility and three failed IVF cycles. When they came to me, they were emotionally drained and ready to give up. Through our work, they learned how to calm their nervous systems, regulate their emotions and rebuild trust in their bodies. They conceived on their very next IVF round and two years later, they naturally conceived their second child.
That's not coincidence; that's biology meeting belief.
Something similar happens in other stories too.
During adoption journeys, when couples begin preparing their homes or picturing themselves as parents, conception sometimes follows naturally. The body finally receives a signal it can trust, it's happening, it's safe now. That's why many adoption programs ask couples to use contraception in the months before adoption; pregnancy happens far more often than most realise.
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Your age matters, yes but so do rhythm, nourishment, rest, sunlight and the words you use with yourself. Your timeline is yours. When you care for the ground, seeds remember how to grow.
Starting again doesn't mean starting over. Your body has learned things about safety, rhythm, trust. Your mind has learned how to listen instead of fight. None of that is lost. Every round, every pause, every recovery teaches your system something about how to receive life. That knowledge stays with you.
The real measure of courage
After walking beside so many women, some preparing for IVF, others in the middle of it and many finding their way back to themselves afterward, I need to say this:
I admire you for how you keep going, with a tender heart and a tired body.
I admire you for choosing rest when the world tells you to rush.
I admire you for asking for help when every part of you wants to do it alone.
I admire you for trusting your body again, even after hearing "not this time".
I admire you for holding hope without letting it harden into pressure.
I admire you for being you. The real you.
Every stage of this journey has been teaching you something essential: patience, trust and the art of listening inward.
Because the real success of IVF isn't only in the test result but in how deeply you learn to trust your body again.
That trust is what carries you forward, into motherhood, into healing, into yourself.
So wherever you are in this journey, pause and remind yourself:
You are already becoming.
You are already creating space for life, inside and around you.
When you return to trust, your whole system begins to follow.
And from that place, anything can unfold.
Take your next step:
Main – Image by Elena Έλενα Kontogianni Κοντογιάννη from Pixabay
About the Author: Anne-Marie Pereira
