What’s Power without Control?

I delivered a careers session at my old school today. It went well, although I think the thing that gained the biggest reaction was when I mentioned 'six, seven' as we were building out a sample CV. (Classic trying to fit in with Gen Z!)

Both the students' teacher and I shared a little bit about how unexpected our career journeys had been. Neither of us were doing what we had thought as children that we would be doing, but – at least in my case – we were grateful that things had turned out the way they had. We recognised that despite our lack of control, things had worked out quite well.

Photo by Hamza El-Falah on Unsplash

This concept of control is quite important for us to grasp. In the world of coaching – and of certain forms of therapy – there is the classic question 'What is in your control?" The inference is that if we are focussing on things that we have no power over, then that is likely to make us feel stressed, anxious, and powerless. Instead, we can divert our attention to what is within our circle of influence.

What do we have control over?

Not very much. Sorry to be a skeptic.

As Jesus of Nazareth said, which one of us can by worrying – or by thinking about it – add an inch to our stature? We can't even control our own bodies sometimes; how can we expect to control anything else?

I've recently been hearing a series on the seven deadly sins (pride, gluttony, etc.). One way of thinking about these vices is that they represent good things (pride = a sense of self-worth and -importance; gluttony = a desire for good food, for example) that have been twisted or perverted: they have been blown out of proportion.

All things are good in moderation, it is said.

What does that look like when applied to our personal development, and to our work?

Here are some ideas:

1. What are we 'controlling for'? This is a phrase I've borrowed from psychology. To put it through another lens, when we behave or think in a certain way, what do we want the outcome to be? We might request more money from a client. What we are really controlling for is not to be richer, but to have greater autonomy over our time; earning enough that we can work less. Investigating the root of what we are actually desiring can unlock some powerful insights.
2. How much influence do I have over the outcomes in this situation? If you are the decision-maker in a particular situation, you may hold all the power. How can you wield this in a way that is ethical, and beneficial for everyone involved? What effects might your decisions have on other people, those working with you, or your family or friends? The environment?
3. Which direction am I going in? If I take this decision to go in this direction, where might I end up? What other decisions could it lead to? We can't predict the future. We can make good guesses about what some of the impacts of our decisions might be.

The title for this article comes from an old tyre advert I heard about. When applied to cars (or motorbikes – or mopeds/scooters), the implication becomes obvious. You might have a very fast machine with a beautiful engine, but without the ability to stay on track, you can end up skidding into dangerous situations.

Sometimes, it's worth taking a pause. Consider…

What am I really hoping for here?

What do I really want?

Then, once we have a clear idea of where we are headed, we can work out whether that aligns with where we want to be.

Photo by wu yi on Unsplash

The students at my old school are at the beginning of their journeys, learning about themselves and the world around them. I hope that they learn from our mistakes and don't need to repeat any of them themselves. (If human nature is anything to go by, though, we typically seem to be our own worst enemies in this regard.)

So, in summary, take control over the things you can. Make peace with the fact you can't control everything. Enjoy the journey, while being mindful of the impact your actions are having on you and those around you.

Main – Photo by LinkedIn Sales Solutions on Unsplash