February

Exercise: A Small Walk of Nourishment to Just Survive

Month 2 was marked by silence. I did not answer my phone. I did not want the "aren't you over it yet" energy from people who meant well but did not understand.

During these weeks, I carried Chai's ashes everywhere in a small bag. I would take her with me on short walks, no more than around the block. Just being in the sunshine shifted something in my brain, even if only slightly. Nature gave me a momentary reprieve from the spiraling thoughts.

From the early weeks described in my journal, I learned how unpredictable grief could be. One moment I would be walking, trying to gain clarity, and the next I would be crying uncontrollably in public. My body dictated everything, the crying, the exhaustion, the spirals. I began letting myself feel whatever came. I cried, moaned, groaned, spiraled, then slowly brought myself back up again.

These were not solutions. They were survival tactics. Things I could do when everything felt impossible.

I also became aware of the need to nourish myself. Even drinking water sometimes felt like a task. But small acts of care mattered, a tiny meal, a warm drink, stepping outside for air.

Exercise for February:

Take a short walk, even if it is only to the steps outside your home. Carry a memory with you if it helps. Cry if you need to. Then check in with yourself. Did you drink water today? Eat something?

These small things matter when you are trying to survive grief.