The Decision To Choose

One of the most difficult things in life is to decide between two equally important things in our lives.

Regardless of what those things might be, there will always be an inner struggle to choose between one or the other.

We wish we could have both, but that is seldom possible.

One part of us still believes ‘we can’t have it all’, so, from time to time, we face difficult situations and challenges that force us to decide when, in fact, we would rather not.

To choose is to take a position, to take part, to separate rather than unite.

It’s also a way of saying, “This is what I prefer most.”

It’s not that we don’t like the second choice, it’s simply that we think we need to be content with only one.

Therefore, our paths are filled with options that keep pushing us in opposite or complementary directions.

We just need to keep choosing.

Photo by Einar Storsul on Unsplash

But for some people, having to choose is a painful process.

They don’t want to decide because they don’t want to hurt anyone with their decisions.

They also don’t want to show their true opinions so they shy away from letting other people know what their true preference is.

This indecisiveness feels safe, as they tend to let other people decide for them while they simply go along with it.

I wonder what they are actually feeling inside when someone else decides something on their behalf…

You see… there is a 50% chance that others will choose exactly what they want.

Let’s say others got it right, whether it was a day out in the park, a walk on the beach, or dinner and a movie.

Happy days. There is a sense of contentment because the other was attuned to one’s wishes.

Now, let’s say others got it wrong, either preferring to stay home and do nothing or go shopping for groceries and do errands.

How do they feel now? Still content with not having chosen what they really wanted?

Think about this for a moment. Are you sure you don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings, or is it something deeper?

A sense of lack and unworthiness that tries to fill that void with fleeting moments of contentment or despair.

You are being stopped in your tracks and giving your power away, preferring to stay low and unseen to protect yourself from an imaginary sense of failure.

No blame, guilt or responsibility will come your way, as it was never you who ended up deciding anyway.

You can now see that this is not about them, it’s about you and how you see yourself.

To be able to decide you first need to find yourself worthy of expressing an opinion, a view, a preference.

And you may find myriad ways to prove yourself wrong, to show yourself that your opinions are not good enough, not popular enough and definitely not suitable enough for the other to hear and take them into consideration.

Sometimes you can even think that you are humble, gentle and kind, and that can totally be true, but the real question here is: is this really you?

Does this state of being and doing translate your real essence?

Because if it does, then you are truly fine with it. You either value other people’s decisions so much that no choice will let you down, or even when it does, you still see value in the experience and benefit from it.

But if it doesn’t, and deep down you wish that the other person would choose what you prefer most, while still giving them the power to choose on your behalf, then you might need to work on yourself, not only to find your true identity, but also to let go of the beliefs that are trapping you in low self-esteem and unworthiness.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

It’s your call, after all, whether you wish to become someone freer, happier, and able to face whatever choices life keeps sending your way, or continue living in indecisiveness.

You just have to decide…

Photo by Antonio Feregrino on Unsplash