One of the great sufferings of human existence is the knowing, often avoided, of the finite nature of life; ours and those of everyone we love and care about. It’s a confronting consideration and also an important one. This is part of what Viktor E. Frankl calls the Tragic Triad.
We don’t know how much time we may have on this Earth or in a relationship for instance. And very simply put, when we purposefully contemplate this truth, it propels us towards the idea of “making the most of it” whilst we can, whilst it’s there.
Obviously, this is a reflection that concerns adults more so than the young as the awareness of the transitory nature of life becomes more present through maturity and lived experience than in our early years.
Contemplating our finiteness is not for drama’s sake or to scare ourselves. It’s also not to suggest to live every day as if it were our last nor to solely focus on the present. The idea is to conceptually project ourselves towards the end of our journey and ask ourselves: what would have made this life a good life, a life worth living, a life I am proud of and with which I am at peace.
Answering these questions through the lens of this projection reveals to us what truly matters with the advantage that we can elaborate a plan to accomplish it, or at least attempt to. This is the true opportunity. It also invites us to face the reality that it is our sole responsibility to act to make things happen. If each life was a trail, we are the only one who can run our trail.
Secondly, these questions allow us to review where we’re at now, what we’re doing, where our precious time goes every day; all in relation to that vision of where we hope to be at the end.
Are we on track?
Are we on the right trail, our own?
Ultimately, this brings to light where we “self invest”. A verb that we often attribute to the finance world and rarely to our own commitments.
Recently, through a dialogue I was having with a patient, she realised she was and had been “over-invested” in things that were not what she deeply cared about and valued.
By “over-investment”, I mean: mentally, time wise, emotionally, energetically, etc. She was giving too much of herself to something that wasn’t right for her and she knew it.
But when she first became conscious of it, she said to me, as if to justify the situation: “I’m like that, with me it’s all or nothing, there is no middle ground.” I challenged her and I asked two things:
- Is it truly a character trait of yours or is it a mechanism? (defence or protection mechanisms).
- Are there areas, situations, people in your life where or with whom you’re not like that?
You see where this is going. We uncovered that this was a mechanism, a learned behaviour rooted all the way from when she was a child.
Our conversation around over-investing disproportionately into something and in a way that isn’t aligned with her authentic values made her see how it had turned into what I call a “double demerit” situation – double demerit is a road safety measure used in Australia where traffic infringement penalties are doubled during certain holiday periods. Essentially, a double punishment.
The metaphor I used to illustrate my point is the one of a hamster going full pelt in a wheel (not ideal in the first place) and it’s not even the right wheel (e.g. it’s someone else’s wheel for instance).
All to say that it’s never too late to assess where and with whom we “invest” ourselves and how this is aligning or not with the vision we hold for our life.
Remember, you are unique. Your time, your energy, your thoughts, your spirit, your life, they are of inestimable worth.
Do you treat them as such?
Symbolically, I am writing this article on Easter Sunday, Passover. A chosen time to speak to you about the value of renewed life and liberation, the beginning of a new order of existence, should you choose to.
Main – Photo by Michael Cheval
About the Author: Mahé Léa
