(& What Your Unconscious Beliefs Have to Do with It)
It's the end of January, and you've already skipped that daily gym session so many times you can't even count. You may have already given up on your diet, and you're on your second chocolate bar today. You keep scrolling before bed even though you promised yourself that this year would be different. "New Year, New Me," you told yourself on December 31st.
And now you're drowning in guilt and feel so disappointed in yourself… again.
Research suggests that approximately 80% of New Year's resolutions fail by February, with most people abandoning them within the first two weeks of the year.
You probably think, "If only I had more willpower or motivation, if I wasn't so lazy, it would have been different. This would have been my year."
Don't be so hard on yourself. There is a reason why New Year's resolutions don't stick. And that reason lies in your beliefs, which run in the background of your mind, shaping every decision you make before you're even aware you've made one.
Mind as an Architect
We treat New Year's resolutions as if they were switches we can flip. This year, I'll exercise daily. This year, I'll eat better. This year, I'll finally write that book. We announce our intentions with conviction, genuinely believing that this time will be different.
Then January 2nd arrives. The alarm goes off at 6 a.m. for that morning run, and a voice in your ear whispers: "You're too tired. You can start tomorrow. One day won't matter." That voice is your subconscious mind doing its job: running programs it downloaded years ago, mostly when you were too young to question them.
But where do these subconscious programs originate?
From the moment you're born until around age seven, your brain operates primarily in theta brainwave states. It's the same state adults enter during deep meditation or hypnosis. In this state, you're essentially downloading information directly into your subconscious, without the critical ability to assess whether it's true, helpful, or even yours.
When you repeatedly heard phrases like "you never stick with things" or "discipline just isn't your strength," your developing brain didn't pause to assess the accuracy of those judgments. It absorbed them as descriptions of reality.
There may have been a time when going to the gym felt natural. You felt strong in your body, more open, more alive. You met someone. You fell in love. And then your heart was broken.
Without you consciously deciding it, a protective belief may have formed: If I don't go to the gym, I don't meet anyone. If I don't feel fully confident in my body, I stay invisible. And if I stay invisible, I stay safe.
Years later, you may wonder why you can't return to something you once loved. Why motivation disappears, even though exercise once gave you pleasure.
Photo by Adrian Swancar on Unsplash
The answer is rarely laziness. It is protection. The subconscious mind is wired to keep us safe, pulling us toward what feels pleasurable and steering us away from what it associates with pain, even when that pain belongs to the past.
Every experience that triggered an emotional response created a neural pathway, a literal physical structure in your brain. The stronger the emotion, the stronger the pathway. If you felt shame when you made a mistake, your brain created a connection between error and danger. If you experienced rejection when you expressed your needs, your nervous system learned that speaking up equals pain. These aren't just memories. They're active, living programs running your life right now, in this moment, as you read these words.
Your subconscious beliefs aren't stored only in your brain or subconscious mind. They're embedded in your nervous system, encoded in your cells.
That tightness in your chest when you think about starting a new project?
That's your body remembering a time when you were criticised for trying something new, even if you can't consciously recall the specific moment.
Your cells are literally conditioned to certain emotional states. If you've spent decades running on stress hormones, your body has created receptor sites that crave these chemicals. They feel familiar. Peace and calm can feel threatening simply because they're unfamiliar.
The Neuroscience of Change
Let me explain what's actually happening in your brain when you try to change.
Your neural pathways are like often walked paths through a forest. The beliefs and behaviours you've repeated thousands of times have created superhighways in your brain – wide, clear routes your neurons travel automatically, without conscious thought. This is why you can drive home on autopilot or brush your teeth without thinking.
When you decide to create a new habit or adopt a new belief, it's like carving a new path through rock. It requires enormous energy, constant attention, and deliberate effort. Meanwhile, the superhighway is right there – familiar, effortless, and calling you back.
Your brain is designed to be efficient, to preserve energy and keep you safe. Taking the new path feels exhausting because it literally requires more neural resources. Change feels hard because you're working against millions of years of evolution that prioritised energy preservation for survival.
The crucial part is this: your subconscious mind cannot distinguish between past, present, and future. It doesn't know that the person who criticised you is no longer in your life, or that the environment that once felt unsafe has changed. It operates on outdated programming, treating current situations as if they carry the same threat they did when you were five, twelve, or seventeen.
The value of inner work lies in addressing the root causes behind our actions and inaction. When those causes are resolved, motivation stops requiring force. Effort becomes natural, because the internal obstacles that once stood in the way have been removed.
"Emotional Archaeology"
Changing your beliefs is a bit like archaeology – "emotional archaeology". You carefully dig through the layers of your past to uncover the original imprint: the moment when your brilliant self learned a rule that no longer serves you.
The deep work of transformation happens when you revisit these moments – not to relive the pain, but to update the interpretation. To bring your adult awareness to your younger self and offer a new perspective, a reframe that liberates rather than limits. This work is about completing the stress cycle, processing emotions that were frozen in time, and allowing your nervous system to finally release the grip of protection it's held for decades.
Photo by Garrett Jackson on Unsplash
A Practical Path to Change
Start by getting curious about your resistance. When you break a resolution three days in, instead of beating yourself up, pause. Put a hand on your heart and ask your body,..
"What are you protecting me from?"
Listen for the answer.
What belief just showed up?
It might arrive as a memory, a sensation, or a quiet knowing.
Honour whatever arises without judgement.
Maybe you believe that taking time for self-care is selfish. Maybe you believe that people who succeed are just lucky, and you've never been lucky. Maybe you believe, deep down, that you don't deserve the life you're trying to build.
Work with your body, not just your mind.
Work with your emotions. Notice what you feel when you reach for comfort food or skip the gym. Anxiety? Loneliness? Boredom? The behaviour is often just a symptom, the emotion is the root.
Make your new identity feel safe. Once you understand where the resistance comes from, communicate to your nervous system that change won't destroy you. This means going slowly, celebrating small wins, and being gentle with yourself when you fall back again.
If you want to become someone who exercises regularly, start with five minutes of stretching. Let your body learn that movement feels good, that you're safe in this new version of yourself.
Create new neural pathways by visualising yourself succeeding. Do this in a theta state, right before sleep or just after waking up. See yourself exercising, feel the satisfaction in your body, notice the pride in your chest. Your subconscious doesn't distinguish between a vividly imagined experience and reality. You are literally programming new possibilities.
Speak to your subconscious in the language it understands: emotion and safety. Instead of "I should exercise," try "I am someone who moves my body with joy." Notice the difference in your body's response. One creates obligation and resistance. The other creates softness and possibility.
The Truth About Transformation
Real change doesn't happen in a burst of willpower on January 1st. It happens when you honour your body's wisdom rather than force it into submission. Recognise that the part of you sabotaging your resolutions isn't your enemy, it's a younger version of yourself, still trying to keep you safe using outdated strategies.
Treat failed resolutions not as evidence of weakness, but as information, signals pointing you back to the beliefs that have quietly been running your life. When you learn to see them, feel where they live in your body, and understand the logic of how they formed, transformation becomes possible.
The work isn't to become someone else. It's to unbecome everything you were taught to be that was never truly you. To gently, patiently, compassionately dismantle the programming that kept you small and allow the truth of who you are to finally emerge.
Photo by Nagy Arnold on Unsplash
This January, instead of fighting yourself into submission…
What if you simply got curious?
What if you treated your subconscious like a wise friend who has been trying to protect you and finally learned to speak its language?
What if you treated yourself as a fascinating mystery to explore, rather than a problem to fix?
Main – Photo by Andriyko Podilnyk on Unsplash
About the Author: Katarzyna Glowacka
